751
Say you’re from a small town to someone else also from a small town and it’ll turn into some weird competition like:
How many kids were in ur graduating class??? I had 4
We had one stop light in our town!
Oh ya... BUT did you have bring your tractor to school day??!
752
Learn the Midwest in 10 Steps:
1. ope
2.cornhole / bags
3. knee high by 4th of July
4. scotcheroos
5. apologize after asking for help
6. “not so cold without the wind”
7. pop not soda
8. puppy chow
9. "I live 40 minutes from *closest big city*”
10. ranch dressing
754
Midwest potholes are so traumatic that people swerve at shadows on the road
756
The 4 types of midwest cold:
1. brisk cold w/ no wind. Perfect for running
2. Christmas cold, snowy, feels good (southerners can’t survive this)
3. Mercenary cold. Sharp. Windy. Dry. Will cut you. cracked lips
4. time warp cold. So cold everything stops even Midwest schools
757
Midwest language 101
the other day = could mean yesterday or 1994
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
Oh, it’s going = *desperate cry for help*
watch for deer = I love you
758
Your daily Midwestern test:
When you hit it a pothole, you apologized to your car ✅
You put your paper plate upside down in the trash so you don’t offend whoever made the stuff you didn’t eat ✅
10-15 “opes” ✅
You have a grocery bag full of grocery bags in your house ✅
760
Top 5 Midwest Zingers:
5. How the hell are you?
4. Drive safe, watch for deer they have a death wish around here
3. Living the dream!
2. Well, spose it’s that time *knee slap*
1. Really not so bad without the wind
761
Midwest dad go-to sayings
“hi hungry I’m dad”
flips meat on grill: “that’s what I’m talking about”
gets bill: *looks at youngest child* “hope you brought your wallet”
asked for time: “time for you to get a watch”
standing in their way: “you make a better door than a window”
762
You either Ope this world or it Opes you twitter.com/380kmh/status/…
763
Midwestern flex: oh you already turned your heat on?
764
Friday nights for kids in the Midwest:
“Meet at McDonald’s”
“I’m bored let’s go drive around”
“Bonfire party tonight”
*Walking around Walmart or the
mall for fun*
“Let’s go to Steak ‘n Shake”
765
midwest slang translation
cred: @SirYacht
766
someone: omg do you smell the air??
californians: huh??
new yorkers: ...
midwesterners: *head is throbbing* yep I have a headache and can feel it in my joints, there’s a blizzard coming in two days y’all better get ready
767
Me in the Midwest: lol this sucks
Someone else: the Midwest sucks
Me: the Midwest is perfect! I was born in a cornfield and breastfed ranch dressing. My first word was ope. My mom is a cornstalk. Ever heard of the bread basket? Culver's, Scotcheroos, Kwik Trip, puppy chow?
768
*refrigerator with nothing on top*
Midwesterners: time to put some stuff up there
769
Unpopular opinion: 30° and no wind is warm
770
It’s always “Ope sorry” and never “I brought you culvers”
771
Nobody:
Midwesterners: you bet, take care, have a good one
772
No experience has met the thrill level of when my mom came into my room to say “go back to sleep it’s a snow day”
773
Midwesterners do this and think they’ve beat Mother Nature
774
*3 inches of snow*
The South: all activities are cancelled for the next week, drive like you’re taking grandma to church, this could be the end folks!
The Midwest: hold on grandma I’m drifting this next turn!
775
If you’ve eaten one of these you’re immune to the coronavirus
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody