576
Nothing says midwesterner like driving to your favorite restaurant 45 minutes away with the windows down because it's above 50 degrees & you didn't want to "waste" such a "beautiful day"
577
We’re in the prime “only walking to the car, car to the building so I don’t need a jacket” time of year
578
It’s prime shorts and hoodie weather. A sacred time for midwesterners. Nothing can stand in our way today
579
Why would I fly when I could avoid the coronavirus and it’s only a 14 hour drive?
580
Today’s clothing schedule
7am - winter coat
10am - pants and light jacket
1pm - shorts and hoodie
4pm- bathing suit
7pm- pants and light jacket
10pm- winter coat
581
Let’s clear some things up:
1. It’s cornhole not bags
2. It’s pop not soda
3. It’s walking taco not taco in a bag
4. Kwik Trip > Kum n Go
5. Ope is a lifestyle
6. Ranch is a primary food group
7. And these are called water fountains not bubblers
582
doctor: what do we say when you bump into someone with the coronavirus
midwesterner: ope, lemme just shake your hand and apologize for my inconvenience. i’m so sorry.
doctor: no
583
People often talk about “Midwestern nice” but they really forget about its cousin, Midwestern Passive Aggressive
584
Social distancing? You mean living in the rural Midwest
585
Midwest Quarantine Starter Pack
- 35 bottles of ranch
- 33 cases of beer
- 12 different routes to “drive around”
- 10 cases of 7up or Vernors ginger ale (if infected)
- 1 deck of cards for eucher
586
it’s march in the midwest and it’s going to be:
⚪️ raining
⚪️ snowing
🔘 both
because:
⚪️ midwest weather
⚪️ climate change
🔘 ᵗʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ˢʰᵒʷ ᵇⁱᶻᶻ ᵇᵃᵇʸ
587
Will it rain?
Will it snow?
It’s spring in the Midwest!
Maybe a TORNADO
588
Blizzards and ice storms prepared us for 14 day quarantines
589
Fun things do in small town midwest during quarantine :
-admire road work
-go to Walmart (don’t hang too long)
-bonfire/shed party (FaceTime)
-run through a field
-watch tornado
-experience 4 seasons in 4 hours
590
Midwesterners : I’m bored you guys all come to my place we’ll have some beers in the garage
CDC: absolutely not
592
*global pandemic*
“How are you?”
Midwesterners: I’m doing good! Living the dream. How are you?
593
Midwesterners face when they pass their neighbors on the sidewalk today
594
Friends saying goodbye in the Midwest:
*i should go*
**knee slap and sigh*
“Alrighty well I spose it’s time”
“Yep!”
“Take it easy alright?”
“You bet, will do, tell your folks I said hi”
“You too, watch out for deer”
*45 minutes later*
595
There is nothing better than a crisp cool night in the Midwest that ends with a bonfire
597
Spring in the Midwest reminds me that there is still good in this world
598
Spring forecast in the Midwest
Monday- 48 🌧
Tuesday- 75 ☀️
Wednesday- 58 🌪
Thursday- 32 ❄️
Friday- 46 💨 (45 mph)
Saturday- 65 🌧
Sunday- 75 ☀️
599
I don’t know who needs to hear this but use your time in quarantine to clean your “junk drawer”
600
Welcome to the Midwest where you will experience 4 seasons in 10 minutes
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody