152
Christmas in the Midwest
Expectation Reality
154
“Hey siri how much snow will there be on Christmas”
The Midwest:
155
In the Midwest it is appropriate to scream and furiously rub your hands together in a cold car
158
“It’s kind of cold”
Midwesterners: cold? This is not cold. I’m wearing shorts and a hoodie today. I was born in the snow and use ice for a blanket.
159
Please allow children to believe in Santa. You believe that when your left knee is sore a storm is coming and nobody is ruining that for you.
160
Every Midwest state has that other state they hate
162
Nobody:
Menards: save big money at Menards 🎶
163
Midwest logic: It’s 40° and I’m only walking from my car to the building so I don’t need a coat
164
It’s funny when Midwesterners say “just up the road” because it could mean a 5 min walk or 3 hours to the nearest city
167
“Welcome to our historic downtown”
The downtown:
168
Midwesterners: let’s drive around and look for something to do
Midwesterners at Christmas: let’s drive around and look at Christmas lights
169
The sunset at The sunset at
scenic locations Dollar General
171
Midwesterners give directions like “turn right by grain elevator then left at the HELL IS REAL sign and when you reach the dead oak tree you’re almost there”
173
Midwest Test:
1. Refer to big storms as “entertainment”
2. temperature means nothing until you know humidity or wind chill
3. enjoy kicking ice chunks off your wheel well
4. Put plate upside down in the trash so you don’t seem impolite
5. Measure distance in time not miles
174
The Midwest just be throwing out temperatures like Power Ball Numbers 18 51 33 28 42
175
Midwesterners revving their crockpots like a sports car in preparation for Thanksgiving
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody