927
*global pandemic*
“How are you?”
Midwesterners: I’m doing good! Living the dream. How are you?
928
Smells like a tornado out today
929
Midwesterners : I’m bored you guys all come to my place we’ll have some beers in the garage
CDC: absolutely not
930
Fun things do in small town midwest during quarantine :
-admire road work
-go to Walmart (don’t hang too long)
-bonfire/shed party (FaceTime)
-run through a field
-watch tornado
-experience 4 seasons in 4 hours
931
Blizzards and ice storms prepared us for 14 day quarantines
932
Will it rain?
Will it snow?
It’s spring in the Midwest!
Maybe a TORNADO
933
it’s march in the midwest and it’s going to be:
⚪️ raining
⚪️ snowing
🔘 both
because:
⚪️ midwest weather
⚪️ climate change
🔘 ᵗʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ˢʰᵒʷ ᵇⁱᶻᶻ ᵇᵃᵇʸ
934
Midwest Quarantine Starter Pack
- 35 bottles of ranch
- 33 cases of beer
- 12 different routes to “drive around”
- 10 cases of 7up or Vernors ginger ale (if infected)
- 1 deck of cards for eucher
935
Social distancing? You mean living in the rural Midwest
936
People often talk about “Midwestern nice” but they really forget about its cousin, Midwestern Passive Aggressive
937
doctor: what do we say when you bump into someone with the coronavirus
midwesterner: ope, lemme just shake your hand and apologize for my inconvenience. i’m so sorry.
doctor: no
938
939
Today’s clothing schedule
7am - winter coat
10am - pants and light jacket
1pm - shorts and hoodie
4pm- bathing suit
7pm- pants and light jacket
10pm- winter coat
940
Why would I fly when I could avoid the coronavirus and it’s only a 14 hour drive?
941
It’s prime shorts and hoodie weather. A sacred time for midwesterners. Nothing can stand in our way today
942
We’re in the prime “only walking to the car, car to the building so I don’t need a jacket” time of year
943
Nothing says midwesterner like driving to your favorite restaurant 45 minutes away with the windows down because it's above 50 degrees & you didn't want to "waste" such a "beautiful day"
944
“The snow is gone it’ll be nice to drive again!”
Midwest roads:
945
Rt Bags
Fav Cornhole
946
“Where you from?”
“Illinois”
“Ohh ok what’s that by?”
“Iowa, Wisconsin, Indiana...”
“Um where?”
“The fields.... I’m from the third cornfield east of Lake Michigan and my Dad’s name is Sawyer Bean soy bean for short.”
947
Midwesterner DNA
❄️ 🌽
🍻🌪
🧀
☔️🚧
🌽 🍻
🧀 ❄️
🌽 🍻
🌪 ☔️
🌽🥓
🧀
🍻🌽
❄️ 🚧
🍻 🌪
🥓 🌽
☔️ 🧀
🍻🌽
🚧🍻
🌪 ❄️
948
Summoning circle, hope this works:
🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯 An early spring 🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯
949
Windows down kind of day
950
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST
NORMALIZE PUPPY CHOW FOR BREAKFAST