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*refrigerator with nothing on top*
Midwesterners: time to put some stuff up there
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Me in the Midwest: lol this sucks
Someone else: the Midwest sucks
Me: the Midwest is perfect! I was born in a cornfield and breastfed ranch dressing. My first word was ope. My mom is a cornstalk. Ever heard of the bread basket? Culver's, Scotcheroos, Kwik Trip, puppy chow?
753
someone: omg do you smell the air??
californians: huh??
new yorkers: ...
midwesterners: *head is throbbing* yep I have a headache and can feel it in my joints, there’s a blizzard coming in two days y’all better get ready
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midwest slang translation
cred: @SirYacht
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Friday nights for kids in the Midwest:
“Meet at McDonald’s”
“I’m bored let’s go drive around”
“Bonfire party tonight”
*Walking around Walmart or the
mall for fun*
“Let’s go to Steak ‘n Shake”
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Midwestern flex: oh you already turned your heat on?
757
You either Ope this world or it Opes you twitter.com/380kmh/status/…
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Midwest dad go-to sayings
“hi hungry I’m dad”
flips meat on grill: “that’s what I’m talking about”
gets bill: *looks at youngest child* “hope you brought your wallet”
asked for time: “time for you to get a watch”
standing in their way: “you make a better door than a window”
759
Top 5 Midwest Zingers:
5. How the hell are you?
4. Drive safe, watch for deer they have a death wish around here
3. Living the dream!
2. Well, spose it’s that time *knee slap*
1. Really not so bad without the wind
761
Your daily Midwestern test:
When you hit it a pothole, you apologized to your car ✅
You put your paper plate upside down in the trash so you don’t offend whoever made the stuff you didn’t eat ✅
10-15 “opes” ✅
You have a grocery bag full of grocery bags in your house ✅
762
Midwest language 101
the other day = could mean yesterday or 1994
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
Oh, it’s going = *desperate cry for help*
watch for deer = I love you
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The 4 types of midwest cold:
1. brisk cold w/ no wind. Perfect for running
2. Christmas cold, snowy, feels good (southerners can’t survive this)
3. Mercenary cold. Sharp. Windy. Dry. Will cut you. cracked lips
4. time warp cold. So cold everything stops even Midwest schools
765
Midwest potholes are so traumatic that people swerve at shadows on the road
767
Learn the Midwest in 10 Steps:
1. ope
2.cornhole / bags
3. knee high by 4th of July
4. scotcheroos
5. apologize after asking for help
6. “not so cold without the wind”
7. pop not soda
8. puppy chow
9. "I live 40 minutes from *closest big city*”
10. ranch dressing
768
Say you’re from a small town to someone else also from a small town and it’ll turn into some weird competition like:
How many kids were in ur graduating class??? I had 4
We had one stop light in our town!
Oh ya... BUT did you have bring your tractor to school day??!
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A child was baptized in the church of the Midwest earlier today
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7 stages of midwestern love
1. “Watch out for deer”
2. “I’ll start your car for you”
3. “Jeet yet?”
4. “I’m bringing you Culvers”
5. “You remind of a lot of Billy”
6. “I’ll make you a plate to take some home”
7. “Call me when you get there so I know you made it”
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On the 12th day of Christmas the Midwest gave to me
12 random seasons
11 unfixed potholes
10 bottles of ranch
9 tornado sirens
8 runaway cattle
7 u betchas
6 games of corn hole
5 OPE SORRYS
4 big storms
3 Welp, alrights
2 one finger waves
and a 30 minute doorway goodbye
773
Southern hospitality and Midwest nice are the same except the Midwesterner has been trying to leave for 45 minutes and is too polite to say anything
774
Welcome to the Midwest where you will experience 4 seasons in 4 hours
775
Being from the Midwest is admiring a house and then saying “but imagine that driveway in the winter”
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody