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Welcome to the Midwest
Winter is at 7 am
Spring starts at 11:15 am
Summer is at 2 pm
And fall starts around 5:30
Glad you could make it!
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i am a:
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘 midwesterner
seeking:
⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 more fridge space so I’ll probably use the garage in the meantime
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The 9 levels of midwestern anger
9. “For crying out loud”
8. “Woah woah woah”
7. “Hold your horses”
6. “Jeez Louise”
5. “For Heaven’s sake””
4. “If I had a nickel for every time”
3. “Well, now wait a minute”
2. “For Pete’s sake”
1. “Listen here pal”
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nobody:
midwesterners reaching an all time satisfaction kicking this off
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Midwest logic: It’s 40° and I’m only walking from my car to the building so I don’t need a coat
184
Kansas Ohio
Minnesota North Dakota
Indiana South Dakota
🤝
🤝 Ope 🤝
🤝
Michigan Wisconsin
Nebraska Iowa
Missouri Illinois
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The 8 layers to a Midwestern goodbye:
- about to leave warning (stand up)
- a "we've gotta go" statement
- hugs
- walking to the doorway
- one more conversation in the doorway
- more hugs
- continue talking while everyone's piling in the doorway
- placing hand on doorknob
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Midwest dad sayings:
-see a mattress on the highway: “Anyone need a mattress?”
-tightens strap on back of truck: “That’s not going anywhere”
-“Are you air conditioning the whole neighborhood?"
-gets bill at restaurant: looks at youngest child "Hope you brought your wallet"
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Picture this. It’s a crisp fall day in the Midwest with no humidity. You have your favorite hoodie on. Life is good
189
Fun things do in small town midwest:
-admire road work
-go to Walmart
-bonfire/shed parties
-run through a field
-watch tornado
-“Drive your tractor” to school day
-experience 4 seasons in 4 days
-shorts and hoodie weather
-say ope at 17 times in one day
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Summer is coming to an end and we still haven’t decided the most important midwest debate
what’s this game called?
RT: cornhole
Fav: bags
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Why Netflix and chill when you can cornhole and grill
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Midwest culture is that fridge in your garage or basement that a relative was “gettin’ rid of” and is now used strictly for Busch Light
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Midwesterners ⚠️
If you’ve heard a friend or a loved one use “oh it’s going” recently send help!
It’s a desperate cry for help
195
it’s spring in the midwest and it’s
⚪️ raining
⚪️ snowing
🔘 both
because:
⚪️ midwest weather
⚪️ climate change
🔘 ᵗʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ˢʰᵒʷ ᵇⁱᶻᶻ ᵇᵃᵇʸ
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Let’s clear up some things:
1. It’s cornhole not bags
2. It’s pop not soda
3. It’s walking taco not taco in a bag
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midwesterner power move: rolling down the window and punching the ice out
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Midwesterners online: "10°? Ha, maybe I'll wear a light jacket haha"
Midwesterners in private, to their friends: "HOLY Sh** man I don't know how much longer we can keep this facade up this is actually hell I can't walk outside without my eyeballs freezing over"
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someone: omg do you smell the air??
californians: ??
new yorkers: ...
midwesterners: yep i can feel it in my joints, there’s a blizzard coming in two days y’all better get ready
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Iowa dog takes itself sledding.. midwest talent at its best
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody