151
Most of America at stoplights 🚦:
green - go
yellow - prepare to stop
red - stop
Midwesterners:
green - go
yellow - go faster
red - make sure there ain’t no
police around then go
152
midwest nice is putting your paper plate upside down in the trash at the Labor Day BBQ so you don’t offend whoever made the stuff you didn’t eat
153
How to know if a Midwesterner loves you:
- “I’ll start your car for you”
- “watch out for deer”
- “I’m bringing you culvers”
154
Stranger: hey where you from?
Midwesterner: *names all the cities that are geographically close to your town and saying “around that area” because it’s not actually worth trying to explain where you’re from*
155
Eminem: “Snap back to reality”
Everybody: “Oh, there goes gravity”
Midwesterners: “Ope, there goes gravity”
157
Things to remember when in the Midwest
1. If someone waves you through a 4 way stop, just go, it doesn’t have to make sense.
2. Chili is better on the second day.
3. “Living the dream” is a cry for help.
4. “Alright, welp” is a sign that it’s time to go.
158
Midwesterners say “I know a spot” and you drive 14 hours instead of flying on a family vacation
159
“What’s your favorite smell?”
Midwesterners:
160
*small town midwest introduction*
Kid 1: “I’m from a small town”
Kid 2: “OH YA, HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE IN YOUR GRADUATING CLASS? I HAD 20.”
161
Nothing says midwesterner like driving with the windows down because it's above 50 degrees in February & you didn't want to "waste" such a "beautiful day"
162
driving in the midwest:
🌽🌽🌽| || ⚫ |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| 🚘 || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| 🦌 || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| ⚫ || |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || 🚧|🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| 🚜|| |🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| 🕳️|| 🦌|🌽🌽🌽
🌽🌽🌽| || |🌽🌽🌽
163
In the Midwest “I’ll let you go” means this phone call is going long
165
Midwestern folk units of measurement:
Next door= 1-2 miles
Right up the road= 5-10 miles
Up North= 15-100 miles
A couple miles= 10-20 miles
Not too far= 20-50 minutes
A little ways= over an hour
A pretty good drive= 2 hours +
Drive down there= literally any direction
166
Fun things do in small town midwest:
-admire road work
-go to Walmart
-bonfire/shed parties
-run through a field
-lay cornhole
-“Drive your tractor” school day
-drink pop, not soda
-experience 4 seasons in 4 days
-shorts and hoodie weather
-say ope at 17 times in one day
167
“What’s it like driving in the Midwest?”
169
Midwesterners on vacation:
1. Wake up at 6 AM
2. Drive 14 hours instead of fly
3. Puts address in GPS, uses route they “know” is quicker
4. Live off of gas station food
5. Try to make people feel bad for sleeping in
6. Always walking 30 feet ahead of everyone else
171
Drops 20 degrees and now every midwesterner is having soup for dinner
173
*Midwesterner when it’s 100 degrees out*
Their brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Them:
it’s hot but it wouldn’t be that bad without the humidity
174
nobody: *tornado sirens*
midwesterners: “it’s wednesday my people"
175
every midwest father’s dream twitter.com/Alycia101Serna…
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody