551
It’s officially that time of year in the Midwest where pulling up to an intersection to see past the corn could kill you. The crop giveth and the crop taketh away.
552
People from the Midwest are another breed..
Withstand the extreme high and low temperatures? We’re immuned.
If you ask us we’ll blame the humidity not the heat
And it’s never the cold but the dang wind
We will dip ANYTHING in ranch
553
📍December
|
|
| _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
|
📍❄️snow |
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _|
|
|
|
📍☔️early spring
554
“Hey, want to eat six logs of string cheese?”
“No I’m good”
“We’ll cover them in breading and then fry them”
556
Midwestern folk units of measurement:
Next door= 1-2 miles
Right up the road= 5-10 miles
Up North= 15-100 miles
A couple miles= 10-20 miles
Not too far= 20-50 minutes
A little ways= over an hour
A pretty good drive= 2 hours +
Drive down there= literally any direction
557
Every midwesterners favorite weather is the wind dying down
558
Speak midwestern
No Yeah = Yes
Yeah no = No
Yeah no for sure = Definitely
Yeah no yeah = I’m sorry unfortunately, the answer is yes
No yeah no = oh yeah nothing to worry about
Welp: exclamation before it’s time to go or “I guess that’s how it goes”
Ope: shorthand apology
559
Growing up in the Midwest is understanding that there is a 50/50 chance you are opening leftovers instead of butter
561
Midwest culture is driving 45 minutes to your favorite restaurant on special occasions
562
Midwest Quarantine Starter Pack
- 35 bottles of ranch
- 33 cases of beer
- 12 different routes to “drive around”
- 10 cases of 7up or Vernors ginger ale (if infected)
- 1 deck of cards for eucher
564
I am a
⚪️ Male
⚪️ Female
🔘 Midwesterner
Looking for
⚪️ bug spray
⚪️ Bonfire
🔘 a corn maze pumpkin patch
and no humidity
565
Every time a Midwesterner says “ope” or “lemme just squeeze by ya,” a pot hole bursts forth through a road that’ll probably never be filled
566
New day, same routine.
zzz
＜⌒／ヽ-､_＿_
／＜_/＿＿＿＿／
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
∧_∧ Let’s get this corn.
( ･ω･)
＿| ⊃／(＿＿_
／ └-(＿＿＿_／
567
Therapist: why do you apologize after asking for help
Midwesterner: because it’s impolite to inconvenience someone
Therapist: 🤦♂️
568
Like any good dip, there are 8 layers to a Midwestern goodbye:
- about to leave warning
- a "we've gotta go" statement
- hugs
- walking to the doorway
- one more conversation in the doorway
- more hugs
- talking while everyone's piling in the doorway
- placing hand on doorknob
569
Seasonal depression seems fake until it’s 40° and sunny in February and it feels like you just entered the gates of Heaven twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
570
Top reasons for traffic in the Midwest:
3. Construction
2. Potholes
1. Construction workers who don't fix
potholes
574
The 4 types of midwest cold:
-brisk cold w/ no wind. Perfect for running
- Christmas movie cold, snowy and feels like being slapped with peppermint magic
- Mercenary cold. Sharp. Windy. Dry. Will cut you.
- time warp cold. So cold everything stops even Midwest schools
Representing and defending THE #1 region || insta: midwestvseverybody