1751
MOM: "Why don't they bring an extra chair for my purse? Whatever."
[pulls this shit out of her purse]
#ELYlive
1752
MOM: "You look very attractive."
ME: "Thanks!"
MOM: "Like your mom."
ME: "...thanks?"
#ELYlive
1753
[our first exchange]
ME: "Hi Mom!"
MOM: (hugs me, looks me over) "Are you still poor?"
#ELYlive
1754
*calls Mom back*
𝐌𝐄: "Why'd you ask me that?"
𝐌𝐎𝐌: "I don't know, I see video of you naked AGAIN covered in sushi and I think: drugs."
𝐌𝐄: 😳
1755
*phone rings*
𝐌𝐄: "Hi Mom!"
𝐌𝐎𝐌: "DON'T DO DRUGS."
𝐌𝐄: "Uh, I don't."
𝐌𝐎𝐌: "Okay, good, bye."
*click*
#AsianMoms
1756
Combined 2 fan gifts (Pokéball undies and the Eeveelutions) to create the nerdiest glamour shot in history #Pokemon
1757
Let's be honest: I'm WAY more of a Ling than a Shang
✔ Skinny
✔ Goofy
✔ Often nude
✔ Fierce in drag
#liveactionMulan
1758
Disney: developing a live-action #Mulan
Me: puts on wig and dress
#NowPourTheTea
1760
What I was supposed to do:
7PM - go to gym
8PM - cook healthy dinner
What I'm doing:
7PM - thought about ice cream
8PM - eating ice cream
1761
FRIEND: "I feel like I haven't made anything in my life."
ME: "You make poop every day."
FRIEND: "Never become a therapist."
1762
I was trying to write my sister's name, Whitney, as my emergency contact, and accidentally wrote Whiskey.
1763
"You have very attractive veins. I could poke you all day."
- Nurse drawing my blood
1765
I think we should all stop using the word "ignorant" to explain someone's bigotry and replace it with "shittymotherfuckingwasteofspace" #OU
1766
ME: "Happy International Women's Day!"
MOM: "Huh?"
ME: "Today's dedicated to women's equality."
MOM: "That should just be every day."
