1552
I just want to remind all the little Asian kids out there that your eyes are gorgeous and if anyone tells you otherwise poke them in the eye
1553
I ultimately feel sorry for the many people who swear they have a "racial preference"
That's like going to a buffet and only eating soup
1555
If you've never been in love, have some pizza, it's kind of the same thing
1556
Got my face contoured and hair slicked back for an upcoming #TryGuys video
1557
My dog - I mean, dragon - wants to wish you all a Happy Lunar New Year!
1558
Yo Asian elders
Make it rain red envelopes
Children gettin' paid
#HappyLunarNewYear #haiku
1559
I'm so Asian that my Super Bowl is homemade pho #AsianNewYear
1560
Watching the Republican debate right after Beyonce's #Formation is like getting fucked good and then your ass is taken to Denny's
1561
The imagery in Beyonce's #Formation video is some of the most powerful and important in recent music video history
1562
"I had one pistachio"
said no one in history ever
1563
I just yelled "Celine Dion!" at two girls arguing if Bieber or Shawn Mendes was the best Canadian singer of all time cause I'm old and right
1564
You are all my nieces and nephews
I can't wait to come to your family dinners
And not know what to do with myself
1565
I am uncle af
What a weird fucking word
#uncle
1566
I'm gonna need people to start calling me uncle instead of dad because I'm no father figure I'm just a perpetually drunk guy who hates kids
1567
"Literally goals," said the soccer player
I'll see myself out...
1568
1569
Having a dog is 50% unconditional love and 50% staring at its butthole while waiting for it to take a dump
1570
What your parents say:
"Hi, how have you been?"
What your parents mean:
"GET MARRIED, MAKE BABIES."
1571
Watch me teach my coworkers how to dance some of the most famous music video choreography of all time!
youtube.com/watch?v=iTg9n2…
1572
Ladies and gentlemen, the most majestic goddamn photo I have ever taken:
Starring professional unicorn @KeithHabs
1573
Today I turn 30 years old.
So in Asian years, I'm 15.
1574
Every single birthday present I was given this year was a bottle of booze
My friends know me so well
1575
So apparently @nedacus has been taking photos of me and instagramming them to document my work outfits
