926
Dear Alcohol Brands,
I am available as a spokesperson. I accept payment in the form of your product. 🥃
927
I think about this Calvin and Hobbes strip often.
"I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up."
It doesn't.
928
This is why the internet exists. Thank you, @jacksfilms. twitter.com/jacksfilms/sta…
929
Being a "diverse person" and having straight white male friends are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it's nearly impossible to find anyone who doesn't have a close friend who's an awesome white guy. Stop selling everyone short because no one wants to be YOUR friend. twitter.com/ndrew_lawrence…
930
growth:
child - "i'm a Disney PRINCESS."
young adulthood - "no, I'm a Disney VILLAIN."
actual adulthood - "okay who needs my help and what needs fixing and do I need to make a joke for you to understand that I ALSO HAVE PROBLEMS but whatever here's a song and dance."
931
I just realized that the reason I always quote Disney sidekicks is because they're who you actually grow up to become. Not a princess. Just someone who's told what to do and tries to do their job well while managing their own nervous breakdowns with a smile. THAT'S adulthood.
932
933
FASCINATING ⭐️
@korndiddy - sun ♌️ | rising ♌️
@nedfulmer - sun ♊️ | rising ♌️
@KeithHabs - sun ♊️ | rising ♑️
@EugeneLeeYang - sun ♑️ | rising ♈️
934
them: do you cook?
me: yes!
them: what do you cook?
me: a really good stir fry.
them: what else?
me: ...other really good stir fry.
937
It’s 3 in the morning and I’m wide awake thinking about #DetectivePikachu
938
All good pups. Every single one. twitter.com/tryguys/status…
939
*jumps in time machine, shows this picture to past child self*
me: in 2018 you will meet @MingNa and almost drunk ugly-cry in front of her as you gush about how important "Mulan" was for Asian children everywhere.
child me: um, what are you wearing?
me: OUR FINAL FORM, BITCH.
940
🏮
#UNFO
Special thanks to @koreasianmedia for supporting and celebrating Asian excellence with the amazing Unforgettable Gala. 2018 was an incredible year, but trust me, it's only the beginning for Asian representation. ❤️
943
The comments:
50% relaxation, healing
40% crying, wallowing in misery
10% “you can’t drink wine in the shower”
Y’all, I think you reformed me, you sound like my kind of people.
944
I’m really trying to confront some internal prejudices I have.
People who take baths. Is there no shower available? Do you have tons of free time? Do you just...lie there? I want to understand.
945
Hello, I am the President of the International Runny Yolk Coalition 🍳, please direct me to your nearest, runniest yolk for a thorough taste inspection, thank you very much.
946
The one bright spot of attending so many holiday parties is inevitably finding the handful of random strangers who are also obsessed with #TheGoodPlace and spending the rest of the night screaming drunkenly at other partygoers to go forking watch it already.
947
No shade directed towards people who honestly better themselves. If they walk the walk, they should talk the talk. 🙌
But to the countless homophobic / racist / sexist / transphobic / narcissistic pieces of shit this year who just TALK about how THEY'VE grown...kindly fuck off.
948
pieces of shit: "I'M sorry. I'VE changed. I'VE learned. I'M better. I'M great now."
people forced to listen to pieces of shit: "WE don't care. You're still a piece of shit. Go be marginally less shitty somewhere else."
949
The single most underrated moment in teen movie history.
950
CHRISTIANS ARE SHOOKETH twitter.com/korndiddy/stat…
