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@Twitter Time to go Fleet on my Flitter. I’m going to get so many Flitter Twollowers
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fart
ⓘ 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝘄𝗲𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲.
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@DavePBrown me when I try cocaine for the first time
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@pokimanelol Poki I just want you to know I had no idea what this caption meant for the last 20 minutes. I thought “but she’s wearing a dress or whatever right” - it did not make sense. I have only just now looked at the naked people and I feel like a moron. My failures make me dislike this.
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@WilburSoot My thoughts on the dream smp finale:
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It’s time to come clean. I hate Dream and Corpse Husband. I’m jealous of how good looking they are.
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@realDonaldTrump yo sub to my youtube channel
youtube.com/callmecarson
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@pokimanelol @Corpse_Husband do you ever shut up.
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@Corpse_Husband This is so hot and mysterious and sexy
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Are you okay babe? Something must be wrong. You’ve hardly touched your Baskin Robbins Chocolate Oreo® Shake I got you...
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@markiplier Markiplier I thought you were dead
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@JunkyJanker I guess you could say the PS5...came out
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@YouTube If I could’ve had 2 things in this year’s rewind it would’ve been Fortnite and Mark Ass Brownlee
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@TeamYouTube thank you for taking this opportunity to implement the "auto-subscribe every new user to CallMeCarson" feature - the wait for the site to work again will be more than worthwhile!!
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Me: Can I use the bathroom?
Teacher: MAY you use the bathroom.
Me: *pees everywhere*
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@elonmusk Happy to be working with you too Elon! Let’s get this bread! 💰💰💰
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Lol gotcha! Made you think you have a hair on your screen. Gotcha! There’s no hair on your screen! LOL Got you! It’s not real!
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@seradotwav do you ever shut up stupid robot girl
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@jschlatt I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT!
CEO of celebritiesbutbald.net - All opinions presented on this page are that of my company’s and not my own @cmcandthings