151
Introducing my aunt to coworkers:
THEM - "Hi what's your name?"
HER - "Aunt."
#AsianPeople
152
153
Light
Love
Art
Music
Cinema
Romance
Wine
Cafés
History
Liberté
Égalité
Fraternité
Strength
Family
Life
#THISisParis
155
American English lost all credibility when someone looked at the word bologna and said, "oh, yeah, that's definitely pronounced BALONEY"
156
"WOW! OH WOW! GREAT! SO GREAT! WOW!"
- what I imagine my dog thinks every time he rediscovers his own butthole
157
American history in a nutshell: people debating about how scary brown people are.
158
"OMG I'm like literally dead."
- said no literally dead person ever
159
ME - "That was the weirdest tasting toothpaste."
SISTER - "Uh you just used my dog's toothpaste. It's liver-flavored."
161
Black Friday
should be renamed
Happy Food Baby Day
162
MOM: "You know who is very attractive? Jack Human."
ME: "Do you mean Hugh Jackman?"
MOM: "No, the Wolverine, Jack Human."
@RealHughJackman
164
Guns don't kill people
People kill people
Using guns
Lots and lots of guns
165
The moment you realize you love something you hate
166
This is what my dreams look like
#buzzfeednow
167
🎎
@steveyeun
#UnforgettableGala
Tux by @MusikaFrere
168
I keep confusing the words "gym" and "couch"
169
"No"
I said sarcastically after being asked if I was being sarcastic
171
I just saw Star Wars and now I can't sleep because of the million raging nerd boners I have
172
Every toy I have ever owned has pretend made out with every other toy I have ever owned
173
After a thousand tweets, I thought I'd change my Twitter header photo
#EugenesUnited
174
175
Me in science class:
"This is sooo boring."
Me watching educational videos on YouTube:
"THIS IS AMAZING I LOVE LEARNING FUCK YEAH SCIENCE!"
