777
I swear with God as my witness, we will recreate an entire Golden Girls episode because we are all about educating the children about quality content. Amen. twitter.com/tryguys/status…
778
I lie awake at night thinking about Detective Pikachu.
I will never stop thinking about Detective Pikachu.
Detective Pikachu is my religion now.
779
*at Thanksgiving*
DAD: What are we all thankful for?
ME: The opportunity to gather here together with loved ones...
...to talk about our feelings...
...about furry Jigglypuff.
*opens us PowerPoint presentation*
780
I legit squealed like a little girl when I saw the Bulbasaurs like someone will need to restrain me during this movie if they show Mew I will usher myself out of the theater
781
every flight:
“please seat me next to that one hot person or the lady with the cute little dog please seat me next to that one hot per —“
*wedged between two families with screaming children*
782
Many of you have noticed that I've been tweeting more lately. After years of remaining distant, I've resolved to be more engaging and less precious with my thoughts, so no need to ask "are you OK / drunk." You're just being exposed to the full breadth of my weird personality. 🤗
783
I’m beyond proud to be hosting #TrevorLive LA this year! An incredible organization honoring inspiring trailblazers for a very important cause. Join me and @TrevorProject to help support LGBTQ youth in crisis: la.trevorlive.org 🏳️🌈
out.com/news-opinion/2…
784
Y'all I've ALWAYS been saying Try Guys Gay Time 🐯
785
I know we shouldn’t talk politics over dinner but the adults at my table are discussing how Lady Gaga suddenly BECAME talented because of ‘A Star Is Born’ and I’m gonna throw something
786
I just tried explaining the evolution of her brand and discography and ended up arguing with myself about if Artpop was good or not for the past hour
789
parents: let’s go around the table and everyone say what they’re thankful for.
someone: my family.
somebody: my friends.
me: [stands] i’m thankful for all of y’all having to silently deal with eveRY FABULOUS EXPRESSION OF MY EVOLVING SEXUALITY.
790
parents: no, seriously.
me: thank u, next. [sits down]
someone else: uhhh I’m thankful for this food.
791
I’m announcing my intention to create a prestigious dog show for mutts where the judging criteria is how long they can stand me hugging them #DogThanking 🐶
792
To my friends and family who have already become possessed by the holiday spirit: you may be strong in numbers, good tidings, and cheer, but I will fight you to the bitter end with eye rolls, death glares, and exasperated sighs.
793
them: "aaaAAAHHHhhh it feels like Christmas!" 🎅🎄
me:
794
@nedfulmer Don't fuck with me, Edward.
Don't you dare start that merry shit this year.
796
me on the toilet reading the news on twitter every morning
797
@nedfulmer are you still crying on your deck
799
*enters anywhere*
anyone: h-
me: excuse me where is the nearest restroom
800
family: "so _______ is straight, right?"
me:
