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first rule of comedy: drop a piano on your head from a tall building then emerge from the piano rubble with a smile that reveals your teeth have now become piano keys twitter.com/therealroseann…
277
corporation: *bottlefeeding gas to dolphins* yall gotta stop using straws
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*checks bank account*
*adjusts tinder age range to 55+*
279
people were at home with their quarantine dogs for a year and didnt train them for shit. no structure just vibes and “did i save him or did he save me 🥺” IG captions so now every dog park in the city is just a gentrified dog fighting ring
280
schools need to teach interpersonal and relationship skills we really just out here just traumatizing each other
281
you know gen z is getting older when they’re selling alcoholic tide pods twitter.com/TheGlenlivet/s…
282
young people on climate change: no one kills me except ME
283
rihanna please drop the album while we’re still alive to hear it
285
tbh i have so much respect for Mother Nature and ik she’s going thru a lot w her toxic relationship to mankind but like she pushes me away w allergies & bugs & i’m so willing to show up for her in other ways like recycling or watching planet earth but im not going outside anymore
286
giant baby after using his ellen appearance fee money to leave the country and live life as an openly 42 year old man twitter.com/IamSiba_B/stat…
287
a mf that doesn’t care about the situation going on: twitter.com/_Chayden_/stat…
288
i put my clown shoes on one foot at a time like everyone else
289
the democratic party getting ready to nominate biden
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i cannot be the only one who had to double take twitter.com/LeaderMcConnel…
292
snooki getting punched in the face on jersey shore was the modern stabbing of julius cesar and the beginning of the fall of the american empire
293
if we want to ban domestic abusers from having access to guns we would have to abolish the police
294
me:
girl in college library w/ messy blonde highlighted bun wearing h.s. varsity vball team t-shirt texting long distance boyfriend:
295
my mom is head of the teachers union in Harvey, my home town. a lot of Harvey families live in poverty & cant afford PPE for home OR school. pls join me in donating, black & brown communities will be hit hardest this fall & its truly life or death
venmo.com/hea152
PLS RT
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me, bleeding out from a gunshot wound: help
white liberal: help has arrived! :) *leans into bullet hole, whispers* love wins
297
i forget that most people in media didn’t actually grow up in policed communities and that’s why so many of you are on the tl riding blue dick like a smurf
298
can someone explain to me how that dude in philly holding a hospital ransom & demanding the city pay him to use it doest qualify as domestic terror / mass manslaughter / some illegal shit idk???? like i understand this country has no soul but this is so on the nose
299
white liberals: black women will save america ❤️
black women: but who will save-
white liberals: get back to work ❤️
300
me in the corner of a small hang out trying to play off being high as shit off like three hits, ranking my personality flaws & how they affect my relationships while fighting the suspicion tht everyone thinks im dumb as is just being nice to me out of pity twitter.com/sunnytheon/sta…
