801
dating website but only for people who used to flip their eyelids and people who covered their hands in glue to peel it off later
802
tech ceos be like “we will have AI condoms for lizards by 2050” bitch go end poverty
803
might b learning how to drive this fall. going🚗heterosexual
804
canela owes reparations twitter.com/medievalpoc/st…
805
pardon my french but omelette du fromage nigga
806
this comic said, on stage, that comics shouldn’t talk about race or sexuality and got booed by canadians do u kno how trash u gotta be to get booed by canadians
807
straight men put on a button up shirt with pineapples and lose they morals
808
canadian bottoms who eat poutine are braver than the armée canadienne
809
first of all the devil doesn’t need an advocate second of all SHE’s gay and agrees w me
810
hipsters really out here being racist because tolerance is mainstream now lmaoooooooooo
811
i made a fake elon musk accnt called “cool elon musk,” tweeted “just watched 500 days of summer” and it was immediately blocked lmao
812
me finding lost clothes in my siblings instagram story
813
gays after putting on a stripped short sleeve and leaving the top 3 buttons unbuttoned
814
the strongest human bonds on earth are with me and anyone i meet who also watched that french film “the dreamers” on ifc when they were too young
815
on the outside i’m all “howdy!” ... but on the inside i’m like whydy
816
me: *checking phone on the train*
extremely woke man: *smacking phone out my hand* look at u, missing out on life because ur stuck in your phone. you could be reading advertisements or becoming friends with the man using his own shit to masturbate. but no. youre on “twitter”
818
no local but target be having some cute clothes
819
retail and service workers who openly scroll thru their phone on the job are anti-capitalist legends
821
older comedians be like “if u can’t crush at a klan rally you’re not a real comic”
822
only straight people can go to hell. when gays die we go to mount olympus
823
bi people become merpeople and pan people become forest sprites
824
when short kings look up we see all you tall kings/queens at your most unflattering angle and STILL accept you... yet we are met with hate & ridicule. short kings are here to stay. we demand reciprocity or we’ll start tying your shoelaces together when you’re not paying attention
825
men over 6ft be like “gotta go water my beanstalk”
