353
no offense but my mom's first day of school teacher fit went hard as hell
354
can't believe people paid money to watch people FIGHT. excuse me? LOVE WINS. we should be watching them FUCK
355
*gets bottomless alcohol*
me @ me: okay so to get your money's worth you have to almost die
356
I JUST GOT MY FIRST TV WRITING JOB MAJOR IN WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU SHIT twitter.com/jaboukie/statu…
357
i just realized my first screenwriting class freshman year was september 5th and my first day of work is.... september 5th
359
college freshman in ikea: hi where are the empty liquor bottles for putting on top of your kitchen cupboards
360
when i see christopher columbus in hell it's on sight
361
every time a non-black person says nigga another hole is torn in the ozone layer
362
american capitalism trying to eliminate the same exploited groups it needs to survive is some next level self sabotage even i'm shook by
363
"wHy DoN't ThEy JuSt ApPlY fOr CiTiZeNsHiP" you get frustrated when amazon forgets your debit card info shut the whole fucking fuck up
365
1950s: by the 21st century we'll have flying cars
2017: twitter.com/pascosheriff/s…
366
i love a two for one sale twitter.com/bgr/status/907…
367
me: i barely know basic math
me listening to vampire weekend drinking coffee: i have a ph.d in cardigans
368
my first dance is going to be knuck if you buck and the first person to buck without knucking has to pay for the honeymoon twitter.com/Tpetersen14/st…
369
men, if she aint big spooning you while you're crying about your fantasy league she's not the one twitter.com/masculinedesig…
370
i used to get so mad waiting 2 hours for my parents to say goodbye at their friend's house but my 20s have taught me it really be like that
371
toys r us doesnt need to close. rebrand to "toys as fuck" & market to millennials so we can "eat" plastic avocado toasts & play "homeowner" twitter.com/richard680news…
372
he called it #noko like it's a small about-to-be-gentrified neighborhood in upper manhattan instead of home to 25.37 million people twitter.com/realdonaldtrum…
373
go the fuck off, frida twitter.com/fluffsociety/s…
374
nothing makes you realize how much time you actually spend on twitter faster than employment
