1077
I'm hereby electing @zaynmalik as President of my ears because #MindOfMine is fuckin' 🔥🔥🔥
1078
I once peed on Chuck E. Cheese twitter.com/adribbleofink/…
1079
I was walking my dogs and scooping poo when I accidentally made direct eye contact with a woman sitting in her car as she aggressively picked her nose. We froze. I instinctively gave her an awkward thumbs up. She returned the thumbs up with her free hand and kept on picking. 👍👍
1080
Wishing that the high-key relatable Claire Saffitz from @bonappetit's Gourmet Makes had a long, restful, relaxing vacation so that I can enjoy more of her staring into a culinary abyss of despair.
1081
1082
I am a dog person who acts exactly like a cat
My identity is in crisis
🐶🐱
1083
Let’s wake up Nov. 4 with no regrets.
There’s still time to get out the vote:
FL: mobilize.us/fl2020victory/…
PA: mobilize.us/backtobluepa/e…
NC: mobilize.us/nc2020victory/…
AZ: mobilize.us/missionforaz/e…
twitter.com/BarackObama/st…
1084
Monday should just be renamed Didyouwatchgameofthronesday
1085
Childhood Me wanted to become Teenage Me
Teenage Me wanted to become 20s Me
20s Me wanted to stay 20s Me
30s Me laughs at how silly I was while continuing to inhale cheese
1086
"I didn't come for the California roll."
"Don't eat the California roll so they know you mean business."
- Asians at sushi restaurants
1087
#FutureNostalgia is pure pop perfection and the soundtrack we need in isolation. @DUALIPA’s bold retro sound is focused, funky, and fucking FUN, propelling this album into the modern disco pantheon alongside Madonna, Robyn, Daft Punk, and Kylie. I am very gay, so I am very right.
1088
I hate my best friends so much right now 😫
1089
"You better fucking believe that Parasite is the best film of the year."
1090
Someone just asked me what the meaning of life was and my immediate response was:
"eating then pooping then eating and then pooping again"
1091
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to repeatedly stab myself in the brain through my eyeballs with a red hot poker.
Then I read the news about Roy Moore and his supporters and realize there are worse feelings in life.
1092
"This effort is n̶o̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ profitable!"
#StarWarsVisions Volume 2
5.4.23 twitter.com/starwars/statu…
1093
This is what a digital perm looks like
#KoreanStyle
1094
I can't believe they brought @KeithHabs back after choosing Bean last season when he CLEARLY had the deepest, most real connection with Emma. She was the best, sweetest contestant to ever be on The Barkchshler. And then he broke up with her on national television? #JusticeForEmma twitter.com/tryguys/status…
1095
DAMN PHOEBE OKAY
#HeyArnoldMovie #glowup
1097
My mom would like everyone to know that there are exactly three handsome men and they are Paul Newman, Denzel Washington, and Antonio Banderas.
1099
The Try Guys won Best Non-Fiction Series at the #Streamys Nominee Reception! 🏆
1100
If horses rode humans
The world would be full of squashed dead people and very confused horses
