951
EDIT: “I will build a fence - beautiful steel slats - and go around Congress and most of the American people by declaring a fake national emergency. I’ll waste $8 billion of US government funds because I’m fulfilling a fabricated, racist campaign promise. To the golf simulator!”
952
A Dog's Journey appears to be a horror film about a cursed dog who is killed and reincarnated and then killed over and over again.
953
It's New Year's Eve so work and school are off for Asian people today and tomorrow #YearOfThePig
954
night sky: I'm gonna show you something incredible tonight
me: then I shall take a million blurry photos of it on my phone #GreatConjunction 🪐
955
Proper beds need three pillows: one for the head, one for between the legs, and one that ends up on the ground.
956
The Purple Color Hoodie 💜
Brand New Try Guys Color Line 🌈
tryguys.com 🤘
957
*travels back in time to younger self*
me then: what advice do you have for me?
me now: wear more turtlenecks.
958
"Please wear shirt."
- @KeithHabs, on all my pics
959
MOM: "I thought you died."
ME: "Why?"
MOM: "You haven't twittered anything."
ME: "YOU READ MY TWITTER?!"
MOM: "Your picture is too naked."
960
thank you @korndiddy for giving me my son 😊 twitter.com/korndiddy/stat…
961
I’m Texan, born and raised, and KNOW this is possible! There’s no debate: If we #TurnTexasBlue, Trump is through.
$38 for 38 electoral votes.
Match me: 38for38.com
twitter.com/unfoRETTAble/s…
962
can't wait to find out if i'm good at hugging
963
Me: “Who’s the best looking?”
Her: “None of you. You all look like cartoon characters.”
964
At my first Coachella.
In the emergency room.
Not from partying.
But because I sliced an avocado wrong.
I'm the opposite of a rock star. 😭
965
Everyone should be friends with a Eugene
Because we've developed a great sense of humor
About being named Eugene
966
I entered a gingerbread house competition with Zach and Maggie. We called it the “Eye-full Tower.” The gummy bears are wearing M&M berets and Hershey’s scarves.
We lost.
967
*told there are free refills*
*sits in restaurant forever*
968
If you're constantly put in a position where you HAVE to defend yourself against being called ignorant...you're probably ignorant.
969
Y’all thinking y’all could handle astrology videos from me. *laughs into cosmic void*
Bad idea. It’d be me raiding the zodiac’s cabinet and spilling all that hot celestial tea. No sign would be safe.
♈️♉️♊️♋️♌️♍️♎️♏️♐️♑️♒️♓️
970
That’s a wrap on the @tryguys Legends of the Internet Tour! 🤘
Thank you so much, from the bottom of our hearts, to everyone who came out to see us. We love you all.
💚❤️💜💙
971
Q: How long is your attention span?
A: Dog. twitter.com/YouTube/status…
972
This is my favorite photo of @KeithHabs and @korndiddy
973
I feel strongly that there are four main "houses" that kids interested in science nerd-out the most over. Which did you belong to? 🦕🤖🦈🚀
974
Pesto the Pup meets pesto the pasta for the first time and is like soooo unimpressed
975
Children of immigrants: are your holiday traditions different because your folks didn't care to fully assimilate? Mine would celebrate July 4th, not with fireworks and flag-waving, but by playing Whitney Houston's Super Bowl performance and The Bodyguard soundtrack on repeat.
