826
me, a typical liberal Texan son:
"What did you think of the #TXSenateDebate? Will you vote for Beto, or do you still like Ted Cruz?"
my typical Republican Texan dad:
(laughs) "No one ACTUALLY likes Ted Cruz."
830
I went on to explain how queer sex dynamics are unique and said, "imagine how it'd be different if you were with a woman."
She scoffs, "NO, never," and when I prodded her further sHE GOES...
"Well if I was lesbian then I would probably just hold hands and GARDEN or something."
831
meanwhile, video conference calls have shown a marked improvement
832
An official response from the city of Eugene.
My fellow Eugenes, the dream is alive and well.
#EugenesEunite
833
A haiku:
If rice is kissing
Noodles, pasta are foreplay
Bread is the climax
834
Forever thankful to all the grandmas out there for trailblazing the Asian Success Perm aesthetic 💇🏻♂️
835
All five of my brain cells whenever I see anything about #DetectivePikachu:
836
After a thousand tweets, I thought I'd change my Twitter header photo
#EugenesUnited
837
Ghosts are scarier when they're not ridiculously hot.
838
Mom: “You know what today is, right?”
Me: “Yes! The season 10 premiere of @RuPaulsDragRace! Halleluuuu—“
Mom: “It’s your sister’s 30th birthday.”
.
..
...
Me: “Sorry can’t talk gotta make another call.” 😬 #DragRace
840
CHRISTIANS ARE SHOOKETH twitter.com/korndiddy/stat…
841
me ironically watching Julie and the Phantoms and then actually enjoying it because the music slaps
843
FINAL FORM:
Ultimate Asian Auntie 👵
#Halloween19
844
To everyone celebrating prom soon: have fun but BE SAFE! You have the rest of your young adult lives to make terrible decisions at parties.
846
ME: "Happy International Women's Day!"
MOM: "Huh?"
ME: "Today's dedicated to women's equality."
MOM: "That should just be every day."
847
call me a live theater nerd but the #VMAs production team came the fuck through with some spectacular staging this year, goddamn
848
me 20 seconds later: but if i can finally commit to loving someone else with my whole heart on top of giving myself the chance to accept and love myself, flaws and all, then anything is possible ✨
other person at the bar: dude who are you talking to
