701
It’s his 50th birthday today so call your nearest conquistador because the Fountain of Youth is Paul Rudd’s face.
703
“Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with samurai swords.”
Beauty & Blood Series: #KillBill🗡️
O-Ren Ishii 石井 オーレン (Lucy Liu)
#Halloween #Eugenoween
704
My mom just called me to ask if my room was clean and I said, "OF COURSE IT IS I'M A SUPER RESPONSIBLE ADULT."
My room is not clean.
705
my sister: do you want to remarry?
mom: no, NEVER.
me: what do you want?
mom: [pause] maybe i find the gay friends.
me & my sisters: ***SHOCKED***
mom: i learn they are much smarter and funnier and better than husband!
me & my sisters: 🥺😂🥲
706
I'll only say this once: if anyone ever, EVER tries to come for my friends or their families, you name a time and place and I'll meet you there.
I literally have to sometimes act like I'm not good at things to be more relatable. Kicking your ass would not be one of those times.
707
Someone again just told me that I have resting bitch face and I replied, "no I don't you're just not being interesting"
708
Mass shootings have haunted our generation since Columbine. It's time we take action when the government fails us. youtu.be/G2wPCbazMjQ
710
[at Korean restaurant]
FRIEND: OMG are those two men fighting?
ME: Naw it's the ancient Asian tradition of trying to pay for dinner.
#noipay
711
This #APIHeritageMonth praise the countless Asian American trailblazers who fought for our voices to be heard today
712
What I wanted to say is: think and talk more about the very real human lives who are in most danger. More than the jokes or our own infighting. My grandma once told me, about the many she lost in the Korean War that "we were forgotten because no one cared about us to begin with."
713
Dear Alcohol Brands,
I am available as a spokesperson. I accept payment in the form of your product. 🥃
714
Oof Eugene that hair was a choice 💅 twitter.com/tryguys/status…
715
718
My shoulder angel and devil are both my mom, sweetly asking if I'm eating enough while casually bringing up every time in my life that I was chubby
719
threw a puppet-themed birthday party twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
720
Lots of stupid shit went down in 2018 but never forget that this was the year we accepted that inserting your card into the chip reader was the new normal.
721
The single most underrated moment in teen movie history.
722
ME: [tries to explain]
MOM: That makes no sense. Kind of dumb thing to say.
ME: LOL Mom, you’re a WHOLE mood.
(long pause)
MOM: No I feel fine.
723
Happy New Year's to the people I most aspire to be like...
The best individuals I've ever had the pleasure of meeting...
The most gorgeous humans on the planet...
Drag Queens. 👑
724
I will never, ever, EVER experience the same level of emotional closure that I felt after seeing #ToyStory4
725
I was neither happy, nor did I know it, and yet I still clapped my hands.
