226
i once stayed in a jacuzzi for 9 months called my mom!
227
happy 4th of july. i hope you all are dancing like malfunctioning fireworks.
229
instead of a tree my mom and i put presents under her 1920's hand carved sombrero skeleton
232
my super power is the uncanny ability to always have a half full cup of slightly warm coffee in my hand at any moment of the day
233
once a week your stomach should hurt from laughing too hard
234
day 4 of the last C.M 4 ever. (based on our hands you can probably profile that we don’t want to let each other go)
237
in reference to that photo i just posted, i used to be a lesbian
238
pro tip: napping with a backpack is acceptable substitute for cuddling
241
thank you for all the thoughtful birthday wishes! here's a sonogram of me the day i was born.
242
my audition tape for "enter the dragon." still waiting to hear back!
243
my advice to students: jam pack life into every moment of your life and try to hold puppies if you see them
247
salad thinks it's the coolest guy at the party but people are only talking to it because they have to
248
i have zero allegiance to any sports team but 100% allegiance to anyone who still has their Halloween decorations up
249
i guess what i'm getting at is I hate lettuce. sorry salad, i love you, i'm just not crazy about lettuce. lettuce is like sad bread
really good at decorating for holidays