1001
Holy frick free Bavarian style door!!!!!
1002
My wife just actually ordered a taco from Taco Bell where the Shell is made out of Doritos and somehow deep down I get the feeling that something somewhere went very wrong/right
1003
“The only thing that went wrong is that they didn’t put any sour cream on it” - the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with
1004
Opened Twitter only to find thousands upon thousands of people shaming me for not previously having the knowledge of the apparently famous and Christ-Like “DORITO FLAVOR TACO BELL TACO®️”
You people make me sick to my stomach......but not nearly as sick as the taco itself...
1005
No but for real that shit was hot I’m ordering 10 more LOL
1006
Not sure if “DoorDash Delivery Confirmation” or “Veiled Threat from Stalker Murderer”...
1007
Please explain slowly, I don’t want to miss any of the less obvious nuances here
1008
Finally we got to the bottom of this contentious issue!!!
1009
Nintendo Staffer: Hurry! Miyamoto-san! This $60 Switch port of an 18 YEAR OLD MARIO GAME is running BETTER THAN A CALCULATOR.
Miyamoto: NANI DESUNE!!? (ʘ言ʘ╬)
Nintendo Staffer: 𝒜𝓃𝒹... Smash Bros Online is 𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖.
Miyamoto: *Inputs Nuclear Codes*
1010
I would like to give a massive shout out to Nintendo for continuously ruining my life for what seems like no reason or perhaps spite ✌🏻🙏🏻
1012
My favorite scene from Shrek 5 is when Donkey and Princess Fiona forcefully check Shrek into rehab and “Accidentally in Love With the CoCo” starts playing through the facility’s intercom system
1013
The Zombie Royale mode in @CallofDuty Modern Warfare is genuinely some of the most fun I’ve had since Warzone first came out. Hats off to @InfinityWard for consistently knocking it out of the park these days. PS: PLEASE MAKE IT A PERMANENT MODE 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😁😁😁
1014
Oh, Hey There! I bet you’re curious how today my fate ended up in the hands of God the Almighty? Well, it’s a long story... let me go vomit a few times and I’ll take you back to the start...
1016
“Get in the car kids, you’ve been extra good so I’m treating you all to some Super Beef 3-way!” - Something I Genuinely Hope Has Never Been Said
1017
Turns out there is a God twitter.com/YouTube/status…
1018
Away quickly while dodging child support?
1019
“What, for real?? Damn...and to think I was just moments away from deliberately ramming into you at full speed irreversibly maiming all passengers in the process.”
1020
I don’t get it, why would anyone NOT litter their property with passive aggressive and/or brain dead lawn signs? Is there some kind of downside to NOT polluting the public space with gigantic obnoxious placards that let me know everything you’re thinking? Asking for a friend?
1021
Some people just want to watch the world burn... t.co/1mkTP3HM1B
1022
I don’t understand how all these hotels stay in business while offering free Wi-Fi
1023
What’s the mystery? How many times has the Pope said it was important to “Study the Body of Latin Classics”...
1024
Forever doomed to internally replay that awkward thing he said at last weekend’s camping trip
1025
That feel when you’ve absolutely cornered the market on your target audience
“I’ve got a fever, and the only cure is more uploads.” - the general public / Instagram.com/jontronshow / Business Inquiries: jontron@ellifyagency.com