1302
2027: hey RESISTBOT, just following up on the text i sent about repealing the $999.99/week breathing bill. i was a little late on this weeks payment but sophia is still waiting outside my apartment with a gucci sock full of batteries is there any way you can get her to leave
1303
melania with ice officers at the border
1304
beto has the contextual hotness of a high school women’s lacrosse coach
1305
me omw to work in 2050 twitter.com/britanyalexcia…
1306
you can’t have me tearing up like this before i gotta be on camera twitter.com/JavaughnSYW/st…
1307
me getting ready to use another app’s fun face filter and give a more detailed scan of my face that will ultimately go to a recognition software that’ll be used for nefarious purposes
1309
single people:
everyone in their life: hey, i just noticed youre incomplete. why are you broken
1310
the open book sitting on my lap while i’m on my phone
1311
no pregnancy but we’re going in for labour luvs xx
1312
IF ANYONE knows a guy from saudi arabia named Faisal who studied dentistry and lived in 2 east 8th (777 s state) in chicago in the mid 10s, PLEASE tell him to hit me up. it’s not an emergency he was just a great roommate and had great vibes. would be cool to kick it again.
1313
This Tweet from @jaboukie has been withheld in response to a report from the copyright holder. Learn more.
1315
damn. so my freshman year me & a friend made a craigslist ad casting for a fake porno called Austin Plowers and a journalist interviewed us in this panera bread thinking it was real. the article made it on the cover of the chicago reader. rip twitter.com/thesarahthurma…
1316
they really thought two semesters at nyu was abt to solve shit twitter.com/ajplus/status/…
1317
just took a benadryl
twitter.com/pissingsemen/s…
1318
white people explaining how they wouldn’t care if you were purple
1319
me talking to straight men on 4th of july twitter.com/lcpkenjac/stat…
1320
so there wasn't a link for trolls to report twitter.com/sinned_mc/stat…
1321
frank ocean seeing SXSW get cancelled over coronavirus knowing coachella might be next
1322
i'd like to submit a formal transfer request to a different simulation please
1323
social media platforms love being like "It's Mental Health Awareness Month ❤️" yall are the mental illness
1324
if anyone finds out pls lmk twitter.com/seventeen/stat…
1325
getting tattoos to pretend you’re capable of commitment >>>>>>>>>>
