976
when that baby looks back and says "money" and is also a crab twitter.com/garyfromteenmo…
977
Can I join the @girlscouts now?
🙏🍪💜 twitter.com/tryguys/status…
978
Hi Houston 👋 my hair is here to fight your humidity and probably lose 🥵
981
Rich parents.
When you pay for your kid's success.
You are literally making them stupider.
982
the biggest celebrity sighting at #SXSW #detectivepikachumovie
983
MONUMENTAL. An LGBT woman of color hosting late night! Congrats @IISuperwomanII you are blazing an important, unprecedented path! 🙏 twitter.com/Lilly/status/1…
984
The #NZMosqueShooting is a horrific act of terrorism towards innocent Muslim people. Anti-immigration, Islamophobia, and racism when preached or joked about online or in office can fuel real-life, murderous hatred. If your reaction isn't condemnation, you are feeding the problem.
985
doctor - “it’s a girl!”
Asian parents - *look into baby’s eyes*
“Jennifer.”
988
doctor -“it’s another girl!”
Korean parents - *flip through Bible*
“Esther.”
989
*Filipino parents -
“Maria.”
“No, let’s be more creative.”
“Okay...Maria Cristina.”
990
doctor - “it’s a boy!”
Asian parents - *whisper amongst one another, come to a decision*
“All boys will be named David, Justin, or Kevin. End of list.”
991
In conclusion:
Jennifer Lee
Tiffany Nguyen
Grace Park
Esther Kim
Maria Santos
You have or will inevitably meet all of these beautiful Asian people in your life.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
992
By 2050 everyone's parents are gonna be named Jayden or Zoey or Ocean or Stormi please someone name their kid Gary or Linda or Donald or Patricia so they don't go extinct.
993
Oh God I was thinking about the duck! 😭
Donalds can go the way of the dinosaurs. Someone name their baby Carl.
994
Look I typically don't believe in matchmaking but I'm convinced my anxious angel Emma is perfect for handsome Kermit and that they would have the most awkward dog wedding which I would wholeheartedly pay for as the father of the bride @Jenna_Marbles @juliensolomita
995
Guys I KNOW he's married to Peach and would never want to wreck true love but it's 2019 and my household is down with puppy polyamory. Emma's just shootin' her shot, she's a nervous little lady lookin' for love.
996
@tryguys @olivegarden Eat everything at The Cheesecake Factory you coward.
998
a father playing with his fun child while the other child who hates fun watches:
999
Special thanks and much love to @TheOnlyMayhem, @TheAbbeyWeHo, @JSimone909, @theonlybootz, @TheVickyVox, @IAmMoniqueHeart, @RheaLitre, @MUG4DAYZ, and @DoriChronicles 🏳️🌈✨💜👑 twitter.com/tryguys/status…
1000
Consider every Asian permanently bald after seeing @mikemoh as Bruce Lee because he looks and sounds SO perfect that my wig was snatched into orbit #OnceUponATimeInHollywood
