26
This is what I would look like if I played 🎾 and owned a ⛵️ and had a wife named Muffy.
27
"Would be better with a fried egg on it."
- Me when I look at any food
28
A PIGEON JUST TRIED TO LAND ON MY HEAD
I AM NOT A TREE, PIGEON, GET YOUR EYES CHECKED
29
Whenever anyone asks me what I want to eat I always want to answer, "burgerpizzatacoramenfriedchickenicecream" but I just say, "I dunno."
30
For every empty bottle of shampoo there's always approximately three half-empty bottles of conditioner just sitting around #showerstruggles
31
"Feminine" is not an insult.
"Feminine" is you demonstrating your complete ignorance of women.
My sisters can kick your ass.
And so can I.
33
IDK why guys still think Asian girls are "submissive" when they're quiet. They're quiet because they're silently plotting ways to kill you.
34
When Someone Compliments You But Then Says "For An Asian"
35
Me and @BuzzFeedVideo's resident duck Pip are the newest office romance
36
Tuesdays are Mondays in disguise except you've given up on being grumpy about it.
37
At lunch:
ME - "I'm starting my diet. What are you gettting?"
FRIEND - "A pizza."
ME - "YES I'LL ALSO HAVE PIZZA."
40
Which Harry Potter House Do You Belong In? #SlytherinPride
@nedacus @KeithHabs @korndiddy facebook.com/tryguys/videos…
41
"I'm gonna cure this hangover with more alcohol."
- Everyone today
42
*watching fall TV season trailers*
ME: "YESSS SO MANY MORE PEOPLE OF COLOR!"
FRIEND: "I didn't notice."
ME: "That might be the problem."
43
Anything that has ever stood between me and a plate of kimchi fried rice is now dead.
44
If Asian Americans and Hapas looked like Emma Stone, we wouldn't have this whole diversity problem in Hollywood in the first place. #Aloha
46
How to survive a disaster movie:
- Be a lead character
- Be a damsel in distress
- Be a cute dog
Everyone else is fucked.
48
MOM: "I thought you died."
ME: "Why?"
MOM: "You haven't twittered anything."
ME: "YOU READ MY TWITTER?!"
MOM: "Your picture is too naked."
49
50
As a kid, I looked up at the sky
As a teen, I looked down at the ground
As an adult, I look into people's eyes
To see if they're looking too
