1001
another new shiv-tastic @CrimMinds_CBS tonight at 9 p.m
1002
i’m so excited! #RumpleButtercup @randomhousekids
1003
did anyone catch my secret shoutout to my main homie edgar allan poe in the CM episode i directed last night?
1005
i made this tote bag to remind everyone how tote-ally cool the universe is. 100% of the proceeds go to @RedCross
1008
harper the "hot dog" cow and harper the hot "dog cow"
1009
i bet when tony shalhoub was in grade school he was sometimes confused about how to spell his name
1010
my favorite 3rd grade substitute teacher
1013
as wonderful as the 9/11 memorial will be, I think the best memorial would be to rebuild the world trade center towers one story taller
1014
getting prescription lasers made for my face
1016
small light green rat (maybe wrapped in lettuce) just bit my shin in park. all cool right? prob not rabies?
1018
WOOHOO! my episode of @yogabbagabba finally airs tomorrow on @nickjr (10am western 1pm eastern)
1019
dear kids who bullied me in middle school...instagram.com/p/xoB_wPDWXe/
1020
police sketch of incident #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
1021
i've been known to occasionally haunt ladies through hellish landscapes of their nightmares. i'm also really good at back rubs.
1023
congratulations to my uncle jerry who finally has a legitimate reason to social distance from me
1024
how many pints of icecream are in a gallon of icecream because that’s how many pints i just ate and is there a hotline 4 icecream addiction?
1025
my dad picking his teeth with a fake witch finger
really good at decorating for holidays