2151
if you like all your white shirts to be a light shade of pink hire me to do your laundry!
2153
small light green rat (maybe wrapped in lettuce) just bit my shin in park. all cool right? prob not rabies?
2154
development: shin bite getting redder. rounder too. little bit itchy. prob not rabies right? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2155
rat bite 10 % itchier. small bubbles coming out of mouth. desire to eat garbage up. prob not rabies right? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2156
live tweeting rat bite. prob not rabies right? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2157
great news! itchy gone, bite area human flesh color, no more bubbles. prob not rabies right? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2158
darn. last tweet maybe dream? just open eyes and look in bathroom mirror. rat bite very black. prob not rabies? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2159
how much blood supposed to be in your sneeze? prob not rabies right? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2160
so much itchy. bite now deep blue like 1992 toyota carola my friend’s mom drive in carpool. prob not rabies? #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2161
police sketch of incident #2018RatBiteInParkUpdates
2162
nice policeman ask what happened. i explain situation but his head start to look like machengo cheese. he looks concerned. prob not rabies?
2163
overwhelming urge to bite nice cops head that look so much like cheese. resisting urge, but boy, he look yummy. prob not rabies?
2164
can’t resist urge too much longer, machengo cheese is actually my favorite of all cheese (aside from gouda, and cheddar) prob not rabies?
2165
i tell him i have a secret and he leans close, his ear smells so much like yummy cheese. hard to control instinct to taste. prob not rabies?
2166
before i can take tiny taste of machengo cop ear machengo cop turn and bite my nose hard. up close i realize not actually a cop
2168
happy #gothday 💀 may your hair be wispy, your belt be low, and all your scarf-bras be outside your clothes
2169
i’m so dang goth this is a photo of me from a church easter egg hunt. #gothday
2171
there is nothing less goth than tweeting! #gothday
2172
dracula was never like..”i’m gonna drink some blood, eat a baby, and then snapchat myself using the dog filter” #gothday
2174
i’m so goth i honestly liked keanu reeves’ performance in Dracula #gothday
2175
i’m so goth i’m not even going to delete that dumb “bleed blood” joke i made and now realize was kinda lame because...BLOOD! #gothday
really good at decorating for holidays