1277
hey MTV cribs: instagram.com/p/56ah1JjWSz/
1284
WARNING! DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS. I AM A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL. eating a spoonful of cinnamon can kill you if done wrong youtube.com/watch?v=m1nkXv…
1285
looking forward to the day i'm finally eccentric enough to carry an umbrella in the sun
1286
super realistic portrait of me drawn by Wesley Snipes
1288
confession: i've never purchased sunscreen in my life. i just borrow it from family members and people i rub against in the subway
1291
anyone who isn't is probably lettuce or a close personal friend of a lettuce farmer
1292
anyone who is still following me after this is awesome
1293
i guess what i'm getting at is I hate lettuce. sorry salad, i love you, i'm just not crazy about lettuce. lettuce is like sad bread
1294
like salads with a lot of cheese, olives, corn, croutons, beets, and pizza in it
1295
but seriously i like salad when there is not a lot of salad in it
1296
"hi, can i have a big plate of floppy thin green stuff that tastes like wet rust?" - my impression of someone ordering salad
1297
brussel sprouts on the other hand are awesome. like less pretentious salad that can break dance
1298
salad thinks it's the coolest guy at the party but people are only talking to it because they have to
1299
salad sometimes kind of ticks off my tastebuds
1300
aquatic barber shop: instagram.com/p/42EgKzDWfX/
really good at decorating for holidays