476
you gotta wake up pretty early in the morning to hit me in the hair with pizza
477
me getting slapped in the face with a slice pizza
478
happy national puppy day. here are some photos of puppies walking on my face and eating my nose.
479
RT: if you’ve ever done press as a clown thinking it would be funny but you ended up just looking like a creep. twitter.com/i/web/status/9…
480
just realized i’m exactly the same as when i was 12 only now i scare people on purpose
481
hate to sleep? watch the most recent episode of #criminalminds i directed tonight at 10pm on CBS. #thecapilanos
482
tonight’s episode of CM was the 11th one i directed but surprisingly only the 1st time i hosted a clown prom
483
behind the scenes photo of me directing tonight’s #criminalminds episode. #thecapillanos
484
drawing of baby great-grandpa being held by my great-great-great-grandpa
485
baby great-grandpa being held by my great-great-great-grandpa
486
thanks for the birthday wishes guys! my B-day look in 4th grade was “eddie munster meets vanilla ice’s accountant”
487
you know when buff guys post a photo where u can see that little hip indentation muscle? this is my version of that!
489
“i’m peter mcallister the faaaaathhherrrr” #gublertattoo of kevin mcallister’s talkboy i made now on @shawnaonallama
492
REAL DAD inner monologue: “sprinklerheadsprinklerheadsprinklerheadslrinklerheadsprinkerheadLaserdisksAreSuperiorToVHSsprinklerheadHotdog”
493
FAKE DAD inner monologue: “sports, wife, hamburgers, little billy’s piano recital was pretty good, stocks, wish i had a fast car, tweed”
494
if side A of laser disk ends, screen goes blue, and dad is like, “what?” FAKE DAD. if dad times fridge run to happen right at blue REAL DAD
495
and this is not just a USA dad thing this an ALL OVER THE WORLD dad thing. i’m looking at you norway.
496
not sure if he’s your dad? put a burnt hot dog in his briefcase. if he’s like, “what is this?” FAKE DAD. if he’s like, “thanks!” REAL DAD
497
all dads love laser disks, slightly burnt hot dogs, and thinking about sprinkler heads. if your dad doesn’t than he’s probably not your dad.
498
i feel like instagram has made everyone focus more on avocado toast than classic observational bathtub humor
500
RT if you didn’t do so good on the SAT’s so you took the ACT’s, got the same equivalent score, and then your dad took you 2 the olive garden
really good at decorating for holidays