1076
Today in "Actual Real Not A Joke Headlines"
1077
I love when she says, "U WANT TO TAKE MY VIRGIN?? XOXO" while quoting a tweet with my mother's face in it
1078
I'm very happy to announce that I am in a flourishing long-term relationship with a Twitter Pornbot, guys. Miracles can happen.
1080
Please come see me in "Fænding Do®y" do not scare child
1082
Just want everyone to know that I've taken a shit in 5 states today. Still looking to break this record while I have time. #sickontheroad
1083
Breaking News: Great Leader Kim Jong-un executes his own farts for embarrassing him during press conference
1084
Looking forward to the new Netflix Original!
1086
Shout out to the Central Park Hammock Duo dicks out and all 🤘 most likely breaking some city ordinance 🤘
1087
Just saw a Gary Johnson ad where he was literally just standing there going, "Come on, what else are you gonna do?". Pretty effective.
1088
Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.
1089
Haha the first fall-like day of the year rolls in right on Sept 1. Yaaaaay
1090
TIL going around the city asking if anyone has a "caulk gun" is a confusing and traumatizing experience
1091
90s playlists keep my 1000 year old witch body soft young and supple
1092
WE ARE ALL THE CHOSEN ONE....right? #LegionLaunch
1093
NEW JONTRON HOT OFF THE PRESSES! This time we take a look at the Evangelically inclined Film "Dark Dungeons" youtube.com/watch?v=subQrE…
1094
I'll have a western omelette and a side of "grandma finally gets her legs back" #JustJerseyStuff
1095
Just can't sleep cause I'm thinkin' about Carlton from Fresh Prince and about how much I love Carlton basically
1096
If you've ever wanted to awkwardly sit in a circle in public, let me tell you the Lower East Side is for you
1098
The King and Queen of scritches on their feathery thrones
1100
[✔️] make fun of child for sake of comedy
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