901
I hate to break out my “dad voice” & lecture you, but it’s only because I care about your well-being. Go do this right now. It’s for your own good! bit.ly/DoThisNowMC
902
Hey @dicksp8jr! Remember that time you & I co-starred in that Hollywood reboot, “Speight’s on a Plane?” Happy bday, my friend.
903
Happy birthday to the biggest badass I know — @kimrhodes4real! (It may look like I’m intimidating Kim here, but the opposite is actually true.)
904
Lake Shasta is at its lowest level in 44 yrs due to drought, as are an alarming number of other reservoirs. The IPCC report proves we need all hands on deck to prevent a future ravaged by climate change!
It’s a beautiful world. Let’s save it—& ourselves.
nytimes.com/2021/08/09/cli…
905
Hey, Cardi, if you’re really game, I dare you to match what @RandomActsOrg supporters did last week! Our all-volunteer org is making a difference through random acts of kindness. Here are our supporters’ receipts (RA supporters who donated, please RT!):
charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/… twitter.com/iamcardib/stat…
906
This is a text reply i just sent:
“That’s the most heteronormative rainbow unicorn I’ve ever seen.”
907
Trump invited them to storm the Capitol, and even said he’d be at their side when it happened. 7 Americans died... but only 7 GOP Senators voted to acquit. This is a shameful moment in our nation’s history. #HeSaidItTheyDidIt #GOPCowards
908
Kim Jong Un is a tyrant who EXECUTES his citizens, without trial, for crimes such as watching an American film or being caught with a copy of the New Testament! AND YOU PRAISE HIM?!? Shame on you, @realDonaldTrump. twitter.com/realDonaldTrum…
909
I said, "No! Seriously. I'm not joking. Put that down."
The kids said, "Okay, dad..."
And then threw fistfuls of taco in my face.
My authority is absolute in this house.
910
Türk dostlarım, bu inanılmaz yıkım karşısında kalbim sizinle. Hepinize sevgiler gönderiyorum. ♥️
911
Several of my poems are published in @columpoetry's latest anthology. On Sale today... colum.edu/columbiapoetry…
912
Also, @staceyabrams, if you need an unpaid intern to pick up your dry cleaning or clean the grout in your bathroom tiles, I am interested in applying for the position. You are a hero to all of us. twitter.com/therealKripke/…
913
We just finished a 4-mile hike. A big, 30 year-old man came running down the trail shouting, “Turn around! There’s a pack of 7 coyotes just ahead!”
Maison curled her lip and said to him loudly, “Don’t worry, we’ll protect you!”
Then she charged toward the pack.
914
Maison invented her own special recipe for pizza. Since eating it, I have started trauma therapy. bit.ly/AEClub_HC
915
Guys, the guy behind this video is someone I have been friends with since I was 14 years old in Western Massachusetts. Now, he’s working on changing America’s political system from the ground up (with the likes of me and Jennifer Lawrence).
represent.us/unbreaking-ame… twitter.com/representus/st…
916
I was going to start this post with, “not to brag..” but actually, that would be a lie. So let me begin truthfully:
To brag, the latest printing of my poetry book comes with an important additional line of text on the cover. Read it and weep, y’all! bit.ly/SomeThingsMC
917
Dear Child President, the Dow crossed 25,000 a year ago. Then it plummeted because of your trade wars. If I had invested in a market index fund a year ago, I would have lost money due to inflation. Tremendous news! twitter.com/realDonaldTrum…
918
Maison just asked, “what did you do to get a baby?” Any thoughts on how to respond to my 6 year-old?
919
Hey, guys! On August 7, Ohio’s 12th district is having a special election. Help me make sure EVERY voter casts a ballot for @dannyoconnor1 to help us flip the House! #VoteOconnor #Oconnor4Ohio12
920
#Supernatural was the most streamed genre show in 2020. Nice work, team. deadline.com/2021/01/the-of…
921
No D-bag. Experts want to keep up social distancing to save hundreds of thousands of lives. You, on the other hand are just concerned about saving your job. twitter.com/realDonaldTrum…
922
The #SPNFamily broke the @HotTopic site yesterday! (I couldn’t be prouder.) So they’ve extended @RandomActsOrg donations through Sunday—get a #SupernaturalDay shirt & 100% of profits will support Hurricane Dorian relief & fund acts of kindness. hottopic.me/spnday twitter.com/HotTopic/statu…
923
This is how we crack eggs in my house...
924
Help my friend @gilesduley in @CtznsOfHumanity's #WeAreAllHumanity campaign to change the lives of women in the Congo! It won’t cost you a thing—all you have to do is post a selfie on Instagram. Every post raises $10 for @USAforUNHCR!
Make yours here: bit.ly/WeAreAllHumani…
925
@jarpad You've been tweeting different versions of the same birthday joke every year for a decade and I still laugh every time. Damn you.
Actor, baker, candlestick maker
Cell: (323)405-9939
he/him