576
closest thing was Chris Columbus finding America at 11:15 am.
577
i wrote and illustrated a book and i’m so excited i’m turning green. #RumpleButtercup bit.ly/2NYWDXA
578
i like when you are crying in public but pretending like you aren't and your voice sounds like if someone bit jimmy stuart in the gonad
579
i eat a lot of candy but i also eat a lot of cucumbers
580
not sure if he’s your dad? put a burnt hot dog in his briefcase. if he’s like, “what is this?” FAKE DAD. if he’s like, “thanks!” REAL DAD
584
"getting cozy by the fire in a diaper with the wolf man." i wish this was a rap song instead of my life.
586
"elliot's pond" house that i just basically designed to look like my dream house
587
"hey pinocchio! where are you going?"
588
potatoes are pretty cool. i like the way they look and feel and taste.
590
it took two strong irishmen and a crowbar to pry this bundle of fluff from my arms 💜
593
Halloween is basically my birthday, Christmas, and new year’s eve on the same day
594
in celebration of the first day back on CM season 8 I am inventing reid facts. Spencer Reid's middle name is Walter #topsecretreidfact
595
i went so fast down the mountain that my right hand fell off
596
i want to be the type of person who falls asleep to opera but instead i'm the type of person who falls asleep to 90's tom hanks film scores
598
if you are pregnant or have a heart condition DO NOT WATCH the last 10 minutes of the new criminalminds i directed tonight onCBS #Mr.Scratch
599
25 to 35 percent of my day is spent laughing
really good at decorating for holidays